Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
