my mouth tastes like poor choices
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
