i would punch a child for taco bell
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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