I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
