my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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