i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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