I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
