I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
