I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
