She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
