how can u be prego again
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize