trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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