I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
