After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
