I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
