today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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