I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
