i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
