I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
