I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
