i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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