dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this just has baby written all over it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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