and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
