i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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