Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize