You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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