What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
