they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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