Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize