theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
