Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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