If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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