Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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