I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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