I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
