her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
