Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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