Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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