I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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