i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
