We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
