yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
