We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
