literally had 100 drinks last night.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
