I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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