Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
