it wasn't lemon gatorade
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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