maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
