why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
