ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
