I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
