we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize