Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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