no, he came in my armpit
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
