If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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