The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
