My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
