I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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