Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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