I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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