Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Quick, to the slutcave!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
