dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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