The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
