"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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