moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
