Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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