i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
