How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
