i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
