I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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