TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
