well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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