Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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