ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
