I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
