i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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