I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
