I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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