just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize