Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
