I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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