he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
