Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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