How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
