I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
