Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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