I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
