brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
