So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
