I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
