Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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