I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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