he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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