He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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