yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize