My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
