i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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