I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
