Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I need to stop coming to work sober
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You pole danced in your parka.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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