I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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