Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
