yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
