I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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