I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can text with my tongue
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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