I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
