I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
