im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
