Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
