All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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