it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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