Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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