shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize